


l'amour est morte

by daddymichaelis



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Heavy Angst, Implied Smut, M/M, Mind Games, it's all a confusing mess, mild suicidal content, mind torture, not quite though, there's a difference between sex and lovemaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 13:36:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2549444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddymichaelis/pseuds/daddymichaelis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>love is dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	l'amour est morte

Love is dead.

I.

A moral Ciel has learned over his years, along with the saying, _if you love it, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was_ (Originally, the earl snorted when he heard it, but now he understood). Love is gritty, love is sickening and mad, something his demon has taught him, mentally and physically.

II.

Love is not a cock sliding smoothly in and out of him, it is not hickies decorating his thighs. That much he knows because his demon does not love (and those are what his demon does to him). The demon's hands roam his chest, skirt down his stomach, run his fingers down each protruding rib, almost lovingly. The boy must stop himself before getting too caught up in the demon's hurricane.

III.

Ciel is older now; he's 15. With each day that he ages, the demon is rougher and rougher with his actions, less time preparing and more time fucking (most likely relishing in the boy's pained screams). One from the outside, a human watching the way they look at each other, they would almost assume that they were in love – which they most certainly _aren't_ \- but the pair knew. They let themselves lie and walk in endless circles around each other, ignored the bruises marring Ciel's hips, finger shapes that would match perfectly to the size of Sebastian's, if one were to test it out and see.

The bruises slowly branch from hickies and hip marks to his neck and his shoulder-blades, blooming like wings above his bones. Ciel stops resisting him; he finds himself enjoying this game.

IV.

Sometimes, he thinks, the game has gone too far;  _Sebastian's taken this too far_ . But, as always with a new level to add to the game, he must get used to the cock ruthlessly sliding in and out of his mouth, touching the back of his throat before pushing off and repeating the cycle again.

A phrase Sebastian has taught once, during another dull French lesson, one that the demon surely must have found amusing,  _l'amour est morte._ Ciel has known the phrase for far too long, but only just learned it in French.

And, the boy thinks as the demon picks him up and arranges him on all fours, it's right.

V.

Rarely, the demon lets Ciel dominate the game. He lets the earl take him and do as he wishes. Even more rarely, Sebastian will be gentle with him, and the sex turns to lovemaking as if they're on off on honeymoon. Ciel hates those nights, (though it feels nice to wake up without hearing the creaking in his hips and feeling every bone in his body ache and seeing the dark purple bruises paint somewhere new) he hates the murmurs of praise to his body (“You're beautiful, baby.”), he hates the slow way the demon puts false emotion into his actions (Sebastian slowly prepared him as Ciel felt like he was choking on his heart because he can't take this – he  _won't_ take – the sentimental feel of the way it was when he was younger, because  _dammit_ , he is almost 17 and he can handle it now,  _Sebastian_ ). 

VI.

He promised to himself when he was only 13 he would not be caught in the demon's hurricane, he would not relish in the aftermath. But now, at 18, the earl is eating his own words as he is forced to dance with his wife (but all Ciel can see is  _cousin_ ). The calm that the young lady brings make him feel sick to his stomach, the flowery perfume coating her kindling a headache just behind his eyes.

He can feel the demon's hellfire eyes burning holes in the back of his specially-made coat just for this occasion. And –  _oh_ – how he longs to turn to Sebastian and let the flames eat him, how he longs to fall back into the deathly embrace. He lets himself be manipulated in his  _cousin's_ hands, he lets her make him dance and even, Ciel cringes,  _ copulate. _

VII.

He is back in the demon's arms and the sun is rising. His wife rests unknowingly a few floors above. They have been separated for so long that Sebastian had let him sleep in his bed. The boy, no, the  _ man _ _**,** _ wants to ask Sebastian something, but that would break the facade of two young men that just had an affair, nothing more and nothing less. Instead, the boy settled for wrenching himself from the vice he had been pulled into, he sat up.

He ignored Sebastian's calls as he dressed and walked back up the two flights of stairs back to his wife.

VIII.

The demon promises him the world, he promises him insanity and beauty and riches, anything the earl could think of, he would do it for him. But that doesn't stop Sebastian from taking him roughly, against a wall, in the office – or the kitchen -, on the floor, in the bath, in an alleyway, any place that Sebastian could have his hands on him, Ciel's been fucked there.

He promises him physical rewards (“If you're a good boy, I'll fuck you just how you like it; fast and rough.” Ciel bites his tongue to prevent himself from correcting the demon's choice of word 'boy'). Once, when Ciel was a shaking and scared little 10 year old, the demon swore to never lie, but here they are, living (though living isn't nearly the correct word) in a house full of black magic, pretending that Ciel isn't about to cry about how harshly his heart aches.

Slowly, the phrase  _ l'amour est morte _ turned to  _ je suis morte _ , and now Ciel can't tell the difference any longer.

 

**Author's Note:**

> l'amour est morte- love is dead  
> je suis morte- i am dead/im dying
> 
> gifted to Crazy_Pairing_Girl bc she's my bb i love you


End file.
